Adoption – For Prospective Adopters and Adoptive Parents

Adoption is often a lengthy and hard process, which can be emotionally and even physically draining. We have put together a list of resources which can help prospective adopters in navigating the adoption process, preparing to bring their child home, and throughout the adoption placement and living as an adoptive family.

Adoption Preparation Books

1. An Adopter’s Guide to Adoption, by Suzy Stanton (book) This step-by-step guide is written by an adoptive mum of two, providing tips and information about how to prepare for the adoption process. Available here. 

2. Preparing for Adoption: Everything Adopting Parents Need to Know About Preparations, Introductions and the First Few Weeks by Julia Davis (book) Primarily for adopters, foster carers and professionals supporting adopters, this book offers ideas and strategies to help parents prepare a happy and settled home for children before their arrival and ways to parent them in the early days of becoming a family that addresses their attachment needs. Available here.

3. The A to Z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions by Sarah Naish (book) Sarah Naish is somewhat of an expert in the adoption world! This brilliant book is an excellent guide for parenting therapeutically, and  is especially effective for children with attachment difficulties, or who experienced childhood trauma. Available here.
   
4. The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting: The Small Stuff, The Big Stuff and The Stuff In Between by Sally Donovan (book) This book combines the knowledge learnt from adoption training with Sally’s real life experiences of parenting two traumatised children. She offers realistic advice on how to be ‘good enough’ in the face of both day-to-day and more bewildering challenges and, most importantly, how to be a strong parent who can protect and nurture your adopted child. Available here.

5. First Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts: Tiddlers and Toddlers by Caroline Archer (book) The book offers guidance on parenting children who are dealing with separation, loss, and trauma in early childhood. Available here.

6. Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with PACE to Nurture Confidence and Security in the Troubled Child, by Kim S Golding and Daniel A. Hughes (book) The book explores the elements of PACE and how they can help children who have experienced trauma. Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy (PACE) are four valuable elements of parenting that, combined with love, can help children to feel confident and secure. Available here.

7. Adopting a Child: The definitive guide to adoption in the UK, by Jennifer Lord (book) The book provides information about the kinds of children who need adopting; the reasons why people adopt; the process of adoption (including the legal aspects and the costs). The book also touches upon intercountry adoption and adoption of stepchildren; as well as what happens after adoption. Available here.

8. What to Expect when you’re Adopting: A practical guide to the decisions and emotions involved in adoption, by Dr Ian Palmer (book) This well researched book also draws upon the author’s own experience of being adopted. The book talks about the realities of the adoption process, while leading parents through the many stages and emotional aspects involved, offering practical and sensitive advice. Available here.

9. How I Met My Son: A Journey Through Adoption by Rosalind Powell (book) This guide to the reality of adoption in the UK explores the sadness of infertility and IVF, and covers the process of adoption of dealing with social services, the assessment process, choosing a child, and the happiness and shock of bringing a child home. Available here.

10. AdoptyMum: A Survival Guide To Life With Adopted Kids by Elena Holmes (book). This book offers an honest and hopeful look into one woman’s adoption journey, and is highly recommended for both adoptive parents and those working in childcare. Available here.

Stories about Adoption

1. Meant to Be by Lisa Faulkner (book) When Lisa learned that she couldn’t have biological children, her plans and expectations for her life were derailed. But, in the months and years that followed, she discovered that there was more than one way to build a family – and that there is a lot of joy to be found in life’s unexpected detours. Available here. 

2. She Has Her Mother’s Laugh, by Carl Zimmer (book) She Has Her Mother’s Laugh presents a profoundly original perspective on what we pass along from generation to generation. Weaving historical and current scientific research, his own experience with his two daughters, and the kind of original reporting expected of one of the world’s best science journalists, Zimmer ultimately unpacks urgent bioethical quandaries arising from new biomedical technologies, but also long-standing presumptions about who we really are and what we can pass on to future generations. Available here.

3. The Ones We Choose, by Julie Clark (book) Lisa Genova meets 23andMe in this exploration of the genetic and emotional ties that bind, as debut author Julie Clark delivers a compelling read about a young boy desperate to find his place in this world, a mother coming to terms with her own past, and the healing power of forgiveness. Available here.

4. It Didn’t Start with You, by Mark Wolynn (book) “It Didn’t Start with You” builds on the work of leading experts in post-traumatic stress. Even if the person who suffered the original trauma has died, or the story has been forgotten or silenced, memory and feelings can live on. These emotional legacies are often hidden, encoded in everything from gene expression to everyday language, and they play a far greater role in our emotional and physical health than has ever before been understood. Available here.

5. Go Ask Your Father, by Lennard J. Davis (book) Every family has a secret. But what if that secret makes you question your own place in the family? Mixing equal parts memoir, detective story, and popular-science narrative, this is the emotionally charged account of one man’s quest to find out the truth about his genetic heritage–and confront the possibility of having to redefine the first fifty years of his life. Available here.

6. My Adoption Journey 2015-2019 How My Dream Became A Reality, Yours Could Too, by Christopher A Gaidhu-Withell (book). When Chris and his husband were researching adoption, most of what they found were the happy elements that occur once everything has settled, and didn’t show the stresses that can also take place. This is why Chris decided to write this book, to help and advise others going through the same journey. Available here.

7. Me, the Boy, and The Monster: Exploring the Psychology of Adoption and Trauma by Cat McGill (book) Cat gives a thoughtful tribute to her family’s journey of adopting ‘Tickle’, who has a ‘Monster’ living inside of him. The book is adapted from her own blogs during the time of the adoption process, including the impact that ‘Monster’ has on the rest of the family, theories to help explain and unpick the ‘Monster’, and self care. Available here. 

Online Resources

1. Not A Fictional Mum (Blog / Website), NFM is an adoptive parent who uses Instagram to help bring awareness to the adoption process and the beauty, and challenges, of having an adopted child. NAFM also have a website with resources for adoption, as well as an online store perfect for all things adoption! Available here.
   
2. @the_flamingofamily (Instagram) Follow the author of “Eddy Finds a Family” and “Eddy Feels at Home” with this Instagram account, covering life as an adoptive mum and author! Available here.
   
3. We Made a Wish (Website) This website, run by Suzy, features loads of useful advice and blogs on all things adoption! Available here.
   
4. @2dadscandoit (Instagram) Follow these humorous two dads as they share their family life with their son. Available here.
   
5. Adoption at the movies (Website) This website is perfect for planning family film nights with your adopted family. The website features an extensive list of films with comprehensive reviews about their suitability for different children. Available here.
   
6. @adoption.adventures (Podcast) This podcast shares and discusses the highs, the lows, and everything else in the adoption journey, and also has guests on to discuss different aspects of the adoption process. Available here.
   
7. @im.winging.it.too (Instagram) This account covers another family through adoption, showing the true reality behind adopting a child with SEN. Available here.